Desperate Measurements

When a person applies 45 spf to their body, then tops that off with an additional layer of 15, have they just improved their protection to a total of 60, or diluted themselves to 30?  That question was on my mind last night as I completed my second and final attempt at launching malolactic fermentation in my chardonnay.  My point being this, when a person messes with chemistry that they don’t understand, the results could be painful.

In my case, at issue was the chemistry of freeze dried malolactic bacteria, specifically Viniflora CH35, which I had recently acquired due to its marketing pitch of being specifically formulated to get difficult white wines through MLF fermentation.  The thing is, it comes in a 2.5g pouch appropriate for inoculating 66 gallons of wine.  I have 6 gallons, but the left over contents won’t keep, and this wine is really starting to piss me off, so doesn’t it follow that what works for 66 gallons should work even better for 6?  Meanwhile, I’ve acquired a specially formulated malolactic nutrient to ensure that the bacteria gets the vitamins and minerals in needs to be effective.  The instructions with the nutrients are thorough, but what they don’t tell you is what dosage to apply when you’ve made the bizarre decision to apply 11 times the necessary dose of bacteria to your wine.  Do I add enough nutrients as if I were fermenting 66 gallons, or do I go with the amount necessary for 6?  Having no idea, I split the difference, of course.

When I added the dissolved contents to the wine it produced a loud hissing sound, not unlike the noise two Alka-Seltzer tablets make when you drop them into a glass of water.  A bad sign?  I’ve never seen that reaction to an addition to wine before, but the MLF process is supposed to produce the release of gases as the malic acid converts to lactic.  Maybe I just witnessed the positive effects of my increased dosage, and a process that usually takes a month will be finished by the end of this weekend.  Or, maybe I just ruined my wine.

The books suggest that the ideal temperature to complete the MLF process is 75 to 85 degrees.  There’s no place in my house that fits that description.  In such event, a common recommendation is to wrap your carboys in electric blankets.  Well, I don’t have any of those, and if I wouldn’t buy any when Kim asked for them it seems like a mistake to buy them for the wine, so I wrapped them in the handmade quilt that my uncle gave me as a wedding gift instead.  What could go wrong?